Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
