i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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