You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Pants are for mortals
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
