He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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