the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
