We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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