her vagine was all disorganized.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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