My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Are we still banned from the library?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Randomize
