I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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