Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
