There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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