Do you still have your period?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize