yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
