alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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