how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
