We named our party play list daddy issues
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize