dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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