Have you finally orgasmed yet?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
