Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize