I am in a vortex of obligation.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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