Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize