Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
