i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
