I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
