Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
