Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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