okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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