he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
