This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
