i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
