I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
