The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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