Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
