do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
