you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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