quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
