Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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