i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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