Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
