One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Still dying that you shit outside
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
