And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
