I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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