I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
