my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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