just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
