you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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