i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just found a bag of teeth...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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