So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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