hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
