Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
