Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize