NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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