Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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