you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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