I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
