he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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