The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Girls should come with a carfax report
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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