I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
