I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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