It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
