It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize