my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
