You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
