I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
