Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
