Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize