Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
