he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
