At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
