Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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