Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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