I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
