She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
