don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
