I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
