Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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