so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
