doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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