dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
