Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
