I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize