Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize