We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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