he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
